


This Is Why Women Win Fights!

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Series: Adventures of The Crazy [18]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (implied) Make up Sex, Advice, Alternate Universe, Brother-Sister Relationships, Comedy, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Men VS Women, Overprotective, pop tarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:39:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arianne and Galladon listen to a row between Jaime and Brienne. Galladon learns that women will always win fights</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Why Women Win Fights!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is basically crack. Please feel free to let me know how awful you think it is. LOL!

This Is Why Women Win Fights.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arianne and Galladon were sat in the living room. The twins were at their Uncle Tyrion’s with Arthur. Galladon and Arianne were old enough to be sat by themselves, even though their parents had a rather late meeting today. Galladon was just texting away on his phone, stretched out on one sofa while Arianne read a book for her Literature class, on the other sofa.

 _“Jaime Lannister! I cannot **believe** you just did that!”_ The kids all heard Brienne yell. Arianne and Galladon stared at each other, and then at the open living room door, where they heard their parents at the front door.

 _“I cannot believe that **you** didn’t say anything!”_ Jaime yelled back. Both Galladon and Arianne were wondering what had caused the nuclear explosion that was now happening in their home.

 _“ **I** didn’t **need** to say anything! They’re clients! Asha Greyjoy kept her pervert Uncle under control until **you** decided to get involved!”_ Brienne yelled, as the teens heard the slamming of the front door. The door slammed closed so hard, that it felt like the whole house shook. Arianne and Galladon looked at each other, glad that the twins and Arthur were not at home. Though it was rare, their parents would argue, just like anyone else’s parents. It was better for the younger kids not to hear it. Or at least, in Arianne and Galladon’s opinions, it was easier that they didn’t have to explain that parents would fight sometimes.

“What happened?” Galladon asked. Arianne rolled her eyes at her younger brother.

“Do I look like a mind reader to you?” Arianne shot back, as they heard the argument continue.

 _“That fucking **pervert** was practically taking your clothes off with his eyes!”_ Jaime yelled back.

“Damn!” Galladon exclaimed softly.

“Mum’s gonna win.” Arianne stated.

 _“Not bloody likely!”_ Brienne yelled back.

“What makes you think that?” Galladon asked his sister, looking confused. Arianne looked at her brother for a few tense moments.

“What is **that** supposed to mean?” Jaime yelled.

 _“That means, that for some ridiculous reason, you are one of very few men that seem to find me attractive! So why the hell, would Euron Greyjoy be undressing me with his eyes? I’m sure he has better things to do!”_ Brienne yelled. Galladon looked at Arianne with a mortified expression on his face.

“I wish I had never heard that.” Galladon said softly.

“Don’t be such a child. We learned biology at school. You know that the Stork didn’t deliver us to the doorstep Gal.” Arianne said. Galladon shook his head.

“That doesn’t matter. Besides, you didn’t answer my question.” Galladon replied.

“I’ll show you. You won’t get it unless I show you.” Arianne stated. They heard both their parents storming towards the kitchen. But they had stopped in the hallway. Arianne gestured to Galladon to come forward, as she went to the door. They both peered through the living room door, that was still ajar. They watched as their parents faced each other, reminding Galladon of those old western movies that their Grandfather Selwyn enjoyed watching.

“You are _my_ wife.” Jaime shot out. Arianne sighed.

“Was that bad?” Galladon whispered. Arianne nodded.

“The worst.” Arianne said.

“Why?” Galladon whispered, not really understanding why his father calling his mother his wife, was such a bad thing.

“It’s like Dad is claiming Mum as property.” Arianne replied. Galladon thought about that for a mere moment before nodding his understanding.  

“I am not a tree Jaime Lannister!” Their mother exclaimed angrily. Her eyes blazing with fury.

“I know you’re not a tree. Why would I think you were a tree?” Jaime shot back.

“Considering all your macho talk, I’d expect you try and pee on me to claim me as property!” Brienne shot back.

“See? I told you.” Arianne whispered to Galladon, as they carried on listening.

“Don’t be ridiculous! I don’t think like that! Besides, you’re the one who didn’t tell Euron Greyjoy to fuck off!” Jaime exclaimed angrily. Brienne stood up straight, placed her hands on her hips, her legs spaced apart, a scowl on her face.

“It’s coming.” Arianne whispered.

“What’s coming?” Galladon whispered back.

“You see what Mum’s doing? That’s the ‘you’re right’ pose.” Arianne said.

“Of course Jaime. I understand. Because you’re right about everything. I mean, how could I be so stupid as to think you could ever be wrong?” Brienne said. Arianne winced. Galladon looked at Arianne in confusion.

“What?” He hissed.

“When Mum is agreeing with Dad like that, he’s so screwed.” Arianne said.

“But why?” Galladon asked.

“Watch and see.” Arianne replied.

“Yeah, I am right this time! You should have let me punch that asshole in the face!” Jaime shot back.

“Of course Jaime. Because you’re the Lord Commander of Rightness. No one else could possibly be right when you speak. You can ride past on your horse of right, while we all wallow in the mud of wrong, and you just carrying on being right about everything.” Brienne said. Her voice completely calm, as she raised one of her hands and waved her finger in a sort of windscreen wiper motion, back and forth, as though she were scolding a child. Her other hand was in a fist, resting on her hip.

“Why do I get a bad feeling about this?” Galladon asked.

“Because you’re not an adult male yet. Childhood and adolescence is the only time that guys actually recognise sarcasm.” Arianne replied.

“I’ll always get sarcasm.” Galladon replied.

“Yeah, from other people. You’ll never get sarcasm when it’s coming from your partner. Because men always want to be dominant in relationships. It kinda destroys their intelligence because it’s a primary instinct. That and the need to procreate, which you better not be doing until way after I decide to get married and have kids.” Arianne replied. In this time, the siblings had been listening to Brienne agree sarcastically with everything that Jaime was saying.

“Dad isn’t very smart is he?” Galladon asked. Arianne held back a snort of laughter.

“Dad is smart, he’s just being ridiculously overprotective.” Arianne replied.

“I am not that over confident.” Jaime stated. Brienne nodded. Then she raised the free hand, the one she’d been using to wave her finger at Jaime, and placed it under her chin, also clenched into a fist.

“Of course not dear. Please go ahead. You’re right about everything. Just throw me a lifeline here, because I could be totally wrong about this, but you’d know better than me, of course.” Brienne said.

“Don’t be ridiculous woman.” Jaime said, his voice filled with irritation. Arianne shook her head, even Galladon knew something was about to happen, as their mother pivoted on her heels, took three steps, to be standing at the foot of the stairs, then turned her head.

“Well, I’m sure your father would agree with you.” Brienne said. It wasn’t loud. It was relatively normal tone, almost a whisper. In fact, Galladon wasn’t sure he’d heard right. Then Brienne strode up the stairs, still looking furious. Jaime, stood in the middle of the corridor, looking utterly baffled.

“What the hell does that mean?” Jaime asked himself, before walking into the kitchen.

“Wait? What happens now?” Galladon asked softly.

“Well, give Dad about thirty seconds, maybe a minute or two. It might even take an hour or so.” Arianne said.

“Why?” Galladon asked.

“Because he’s going to need that time for that lovely gem of a comment that Mum planted in his brain, to explode like a bomb detonator.” Arianne replied.

“Are you saying our mother is a mental terrorist?” Galladon asked.

“All women are mental terrorists, little brother. I’m giving you a valuable life lesson here.” Arianne said. Galladon was confused, until all of a sudden.

 _“I’m nothing like my father!”_ Jaime yelled from the kitchen.

“Boom goes the dynamite.” Arianne said. That was when Galladon and Arianne saw Jaime storm past the front room, open up the door to the dining room, which they only used on special occasions, then slam it closed.

“That’s the fucking dining room.” Jaime cursed, before opening another door. Which Arianne and Galladon both knew was a hall cupboard where they hung their coats. “And that’s the fucking cupboard.” Jaime added, angrily, to himself. Then he stormed upstairs.

“Why did dad open the dining room door and the coat cupboard? He saw Mum walk upstairs right?” Galladon asked.

“Because when men are angry they forget the layout of their own house.” Arianne replied cheerfully.

“I don’t forget. When I’m angry, I just go to my room.” Galladon said.

“You’re not an adult yet.” Arianne stated. Galladon just frowned, not really understanding what Arianne meant by that. After all, at the age of thirteen, he was taller than almost everyone he knew.

“And _how_ did dad get so mad from what mum said?” Galladon asked.

“Who knows? But that’s why she didn’t yell it. She made him listen to what she was saying.” Arianne replied.

 _“Woman! I am **not** like my father!”_ Jaime yelled angrily, but didn’t hear their mother say a single word.

“Isn’t Mum going to say anything?” Galladon asked.

“Nope. She doesn’t need to.” Arianne replied. Galladon was very confused at this point.

 _“Just because my father has certain traditional beliefs, that he passed down to me, does **not mean** I am like my father!”_ Jaime yelled. Brienne was silent. _“Besides, I was not staking a claim on you! I was trying to look out for you!”_ Jaime added. Still nothing from Brienne. _“And that pervert was being a **fucking pervert!** You can’t deny that!”_ Jaime added. Again, there was silence. Arianne gestured to Galladon to follow her. They went up the stairs. But the pair only ended up standing in the corridor at the top of the stairs.

“Are you nuts?” Galladon whispered. “They catch us, we’re so dead.” Galladon added. Arianne grinned.

“Shut up little brother. The fight should end soon.” Arianne whispered. There was silence for a long while. It felt like forever. Then......

 _“I’m sorry Brienne. I didn’t mean it that way. You should know that I’m not like that. I want you to be happy, and if that means working with and dealing with perverts, like Euron Greyjoy, I’ll accept it. Just don’t expect me to like the fact that that pervert is eyeing you up.”_ Jaime said.

 _“He wasn’t, but if he was, I’m capable of beating the crap out of anyone I deem it necessary to beat the crap out of.”_ Brienne said.

 _“I know that. But you should know me by now. I just... I want to protect you. I know you don’t need protecting, but that’s all the more reason to do it sometimes.”_ Jaime said. Arianne and Galladon heard the sound of their father’s footsteps moving forward. _“I love you. I don’t want you to be degraded by some asshole.”_ Jaime added. Galladon cringed.

“Why are we listening to this?” Galladon whispered.

“Life lesson?” Arianne shot back. Galladon scowled as the conversation behind the bedroom door carried on.

 _“I love you too Jaime. Even if you are an overprotective dork sometimes.”_ Brienne said. Arianne and Galladon both screwed up their faces, as they heard the sounds of their parents kissing.

“Ewww, that’s just gross.” Galladon whispered to Arianne. Arianne just shrugged.

“Five... four... three... two... one...” Arianne counted down. The door to their parent’s bedroom opened, and their father came out of the room. His hair was mussed and his tie askew, although Galladon had no idea if it had been like that before his father had gone upstairs, because he hadn’t been paying attention. Jaime saw Arianne and Galladon standing there, looking wide eyed.

“Were you two listening in?” Jaime asked, looking none too pleased with them, whilst also looking surprised to see them there.

“Couldn’t help hearing pops. You were yelling loud enough to shake the house.” Arianne replied. Jaime gave Arianne a look. Then...

“You guys are going to Uncle Tyrion’s for the night. Be good and behave for him and your Auntie Margaery.” Jaime stated. Then shooed them out of the way with his hands, while he went back to the bedroom. Galladon blinked, looking at Arianne.

“What just happened?” Galladon asked. Arianne tried to hold back a laugh.

“I’ll explain it to you later. Let’s go.” Arianne replied. Galladon shrugged, and for once didn’t argue with his sister.

 _“She’ll tell me later.”_ He thought to himself.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next day, when Arianne and Galladon came home from school, and their parents were looking at each other with what Galladon had always called the ‘dopey look’ that always seemed to be on their parents’ faces when they weren’t there for the night.

“So...... how was your day Mum? Dad?” Arianne asked. Brienne and Jaime looked at their first born child, curiously.

“My day’s been pretty good actually.” Brienne replied. Jaime was sipping from a cup of coffee. Her mother had an identical cup on the table beside her.

“My day was fine. Why are you asking Arianne?” Jaime asked his daughter, one eyebrow arched. Arianne just grinned.

“No reason Daddy. Just asking.” Arianne said. Galladon had made himself some chocolate pop tarts. “Come on Gal. We’ve got some homework to do.” Arianne told her brother. Galladon, frowned, and just followed Arianne out of the kitchen.

“So... you never did explain it all to me yesterday.” Galladon said.

“You didn’t make me any pop tarts so-” before Arianne could finish, Galladon revealed that he had four chocolate pop tarts on his plate. Arianne sighed. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you. You see how they were arguing?” Arianne questioned, grabbing one of the pop tarts.

“Yeah?” Galladon replied.

“Well, if you’re arguing with a girl, you know she’s about to ninja your brain when she stands straight, and then her leg locks.” Arianne explained. She ended up standing in the exact same pose as their mother had yesterday in the corridor. Legs spaced apart, one hand on her hip. “That’s what I call the ‘you’re right pose’ because then, like Mum, a girl will start agreeing with everything you’re saying. This is bad. Because she’s being sarcastic. Romantic feelings seem to stop guys sensing that their girlfriend or wife is actually being sarcastic for some reason. But after the whole ‘you’re right’ thing, she’ll do some sort of variation of touching her face, and making the wagging motion with her finger, like it’s a windscreen wiper.” Arianne said. Galladon blinked.

“This gets weirder and weirder.” Galladon said. Arianne took a bite of her pop tart, watching Galladon struggling to comprehend the information.

“Well, when they stop saying anything, they’ll turn and walk away. They’ll take three to five steps. Then they’ll turn their head, not even their whole body, just the head, and say their comment. That one comment could be anything and nothing, but it’s the trigger for a bomb. Because once you decide exactly how it was meant, or start thinking about it too much, it’ll all basically explode into you running off to find your girlfriend, or wife, but as soon as the that explosion happens, guys get angry, and when they get angry they forget the layout of their house. Hence Dad walking into the posh dining room and the closet before actually going upstairs, even though logically, he _had_ to know that Mum went upstairs, because he _saw_ her walk up the stairs. Then of course, when guys are angry, they forget to prepare a comeback.” Arianne said. Galladon looked even more confused.

“Wait! What?” Galladon asked, looking completely lost.

“Well, that’s just what most guys do. They get mad, they storm off to carry on the fight, but when their girlfriend or wife is sat in front of them, they realise they didn’t prepare a comeback. So they resort to the obvious. Which is a fatal mistake, because we girls latch on to that pretty easily. By the time the dispute is happening, we know how it’ll end, but because guys lose rational thought in an argument, they don’t think ahead.” Arianne finished. She had also finished the pop tarts and was about to leave the front room, leaving Galladon looking utterly lost.

“So I’ll end up apologising when I’m not in the wrong?” Galladon asked.

“Actually, Dad apologising, means he knows when he _is_ in the wrong. So instead of resorting to swearing and trying to carry on the fight, he actually apologised. That makes him smarter than most men. Which is actually scary, when you consider Uncle Tyrion, Aunt Cersei _and_ Dad are always saying that Dad is the least intelligent of the three of them. So maybe you’ve got some hope after all.” Arianne replied. Then she left the living room, leaving Galladon feeling more confused than ever.

 _“I’m so marrying someone who is nothing like my mother or my sister.”_ Galladon thought to himself, before he too, left the living room and went upstairs to his bedroom, hoping to distract himself with some video game or another. _“I’ve gone way over my weirdness tolerance level this week.”_ He thought to himself as he decided to put on a zombie fighting game, and pretend he’d never had this conversation with his sister. It was much easier that way.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“So, the kids overheard our whole argument?” Brienne questioned.

“And our daughter seems to think that men are stupid, and women always win arguments.” Jaime said. They had both heard the whole conversation, from the kitchen, having left the kitchen door open on purpose.

“Oh well, she gets that from your sister.” Brienne replied.

“You can’t blame my sister for the fact that our daughter has distain for the male population.” Jaime said. Brienne gave Jaime a look. “Okay, maybe you can.” Jaime agreed at last. Brienne smirked, as she took a sip of the coffee she’d been drinking. “Do you actually manipulate my brain with female genetic mind sorcery?” Jaime asked. Brienne laughed then.

“Jaime Lannister, when I win arguments, it’s because I’m right. Or I could just solve our arguments the way your sister solves her arguments with Robert.” Brienne stated.

“No! You wound me Wench! You’d actually threaten me with the couch?” Jaime asked, flailing around overdramatically, and clutching at his heart.

“Of course not. But I could buy a chastity belt instead.” Brienne replied. Jaime snorted out a laugh of his own.

“I’m so glad that you are nothing like my sister.” Jaime said.

“I’d be rather concerned if you said the opposite.” Brienne replied. Jaime shrugged.

“I’d be rather concerned it you weren’t concerned.” Jaime replied, a cheeky grin spread across his face. Brienne just shook her head at him, as he snatched a bunch of takeaway menus from a drawer. “So? Dornish? Myrish? Lorathi or Pentoshi?” Jaime asked. Brienne grinned.

“What about Braavosi?” Brienne asked. Jaime rolled his eyes and pulled out the Braavosi takeout menu from the bunch he held. Brienne took the menu from Jaime with a flick of her fingers, and decided she rather enjoyed the fact that her husband wasn’t too stupid to apologise when he was being an idiot about something. After all, it made her life so much easier in the long run. Their couch was much comfier than Cersei and Robert’s, but Brienne didn’t like the idea of telling Jaime to go and sleep on the couch at any rate. She had become rather used to sharing her bed by now. Besides which, the makeup sex was always rather fantastic, so why ruin a good thing?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, now we've made it to the end. XD. I was inspired to write this after watching Dane Cook. It cracked me up.
> 
> I hope that this story entertained you all at least a little. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it. ND


End file.
